About forgiveness

There is a story about two old Jews that talked about their experience in Auschwitz. One asked another:
-Did you forgive your jailers?
-No, never. I cannot forgive them for what they done to me, the second answered.
-Then they still got you imprisoned, isn't it? said first Jew.

This little story will tell us a lot of forgiveness, and of the amazing abilities of the human race. They also point out that, if we keep thinking at revenge, or if we cannot forgive, it is mostly us that suffer the consequences of our negative way of thinking.

About revenge and forgiveness

We have here some ideas from the expert Jack Kornfield (PhD in Buddhist psychology).

A. The desire for revenge is a built-in feature of human nature.
57 out of 60 (95%) societies examined have it. The presence of others will increase the chance of revenge (pride involved). If two men have and argument, the mere presence of a third person will double the chances for this to escalate.

B. The capacity for forgiveness is also a built-in feature of human nature.
93% of the societies examined have it. Most of animals, especially primates, have conciliatory gesture, except the cats (if you have a cat, you know this already).

C. To make the world a more forgiving , less vengeful place, do not try to change the human nature, change the world.
Raised in more conciliatory environment, you tend to become more conciliatory than is typical. What Mahatma Gandhi said "Be the change you want in the world!" was never more truthful than in this case.

If you want to give a try, check this link.

Effective apologizing

For an apology to be effective, must satisfy at least one of this seven psychological needs of an offended person:

1. Restore dignity.
2. Affirm that both parties have shared values and agree that the harm committed was wrong.
3. Validates that the victim was not responsible for the offence.
4. Assures that the victim is safe from a repeat offence.
5. Reparative justice (some type of punishment).
6. Provides reparation (some form of compensation).
7.Fosters dialogue that allows victims to express their feelings toward the offender and even grieve the losses.

Now, with this in mind, search or remember the Abu Ghraib prison incident and find why the Arab countries were offended by the U.S public apology.