Self-esteem and self-compassion

An interesting experiment and study of the interconnections between self-esteem and self-compassion in teenagers showed us some interesting results.

Boy versus girls, in middle school - no difference noted
Boy, middle school versus boy, high school - no difference noted
Girl, middle school versus girl, high school - the later group will feel worse, more stressed out and prone to depression.

After the initial measurements, one test group was instructed in using Mindful Self-compassion techniques. After one year, self-esteem and self-compassion was measured again. Those with high self-esteem has no notable changes, irrelevant of the self-compassion level. Those with low self-esteem, and here came the surprise, has no notable improvements if they had low self-compassion, but high self-compassion seems to protect against the harmful effects of the low self-esteem.

This is a very important observation, making self-compassion a skill desired by all the introverts, teenagers or not.

Quote of the day

"The curious paradox is that when i accept myself as i am, then i can change."
(Carl Rogers)

In the light of the self-compassion, through acceptance we see ourselves clearly. And then the seeds for growth and change will appear.

And a small gift here.

Self-compassion and happiness (part 2)

Kristin Neff, from Texas University, tried to introduce a new concept, called self-compassion - queting one's inner critic and replace it with a voice of support, understanding and care. This time I will say few more words about each of the components of self-compassion.

There are three main components of self-compassion:

1.Self kindness (vs. self judgement). This is an active component. It is more than an attitude. It is actively seeking what is helping and soothing us, what is helping us to heal, repair and regenerate faster.

2.Common humanity (vs. isolation). Very often, when something inconvenient happen to us, we ask: Why me?. We need to understand than nothing is perfect. Sometimes life goes wrong. We do not need to isolate ourselves, to suffer in silence, as this happen to us, Us as the big Ego, the most important being on Earth. Even if this is the trend, the mistake that everyone consider it as a normal fact. It is better to be connected. To not be cut off from others. We are not the only one suffering, There are others like us, and all of us are part of a bigger sphere, called humanity.

3.Mindfulness (vs. over-identification). Notice your suffering. Try to be with is as it is. Do not avoid it. In doing this, you will become more powerful, more courageous. Emotionally, many of us are in constant pain, due to our self-critic component of our personality. This is not needed. This can and must be changed. We need to be supportive and confident with ourselves. If a problem appear, we do not need to go straight in problem solving mode, and then struggle to solve it right away. Some problems take time, some are never meant to be solved. This is not the optimal attitude. Try to observe first, to estimate and to realize that this could be difficult. Not to use all our resources to solve what we consider to be a problem. Most of the problems are somewhere in the future. If we are in the present, many of the problems are not here. Like Mark Twain used to say: "In my life i have a big number of problems and difficulties, and most of them never happen."

Consider all these thoughts for a moment, and do your gram of practical action.

Good luck and good will,
G.

Self compassion

From the early birth of Earth major religions, we learn that you must to suffer in order to be happy. Mistakes need to be punished, otherwise our children will be very spoiled, right? Whatever our sins are, we judge ourselves harsher than anyone else. Think about, if you friend make a mistake, you will remind him or her that she/he is only human. But if you are doing the same mistake, your first thought is "i am so stupid". Freud came later to say that humans are selfish, destructive and they need to control all these feelings. Behaviorism, some years later, make us believe in a system of punishment and reward. Then we start to study self esteem, this wonderful sentiment that we are better than average. Nobody told you that it is OK to be average. And, in the end, we learn that fierce competition is the best way to become successful and survive.

But then i will say something that will make you think about:
What if all these informations and beliefs are wrong?

Kristin Neff, from Texas University, tried to introduce a new concept, called self-compassion - queting one's inner critic and replace it with a voice of support, understanding and care. There are three main components of self-compassion:
1.Self kindness (vs. self judgement)
2.Common humanity (vs. isolation)
3.Mindfulness (vs. over-identification).

Think about it. What if we can be happy and live a vibrant, fulfilling life in the same time?

I will expand this very soon in a following post.